New CBS Morning Show Starring Roseanne Barr Will Battle “The View” For Ratings

The official announcement has been made. Roseanne Barr is moving away from sitcoms to set up a talk show panel, styled in the mold of “The View”, but with a conservative slant.

The upcoming show, which is yet to be named, will be broadcast during the same daytime slot as Whoopi Goldberg’s version on ABC

. CBS executive Joe Barron expressed the network’s excitement to have a talent of Roseanne’s stature for this new venture.

“There’s an entire demographic of cable-watching baby boomers craving simple, easily digestible television for their retirement.

Rupert has hit upon a goldmine. As the rest of cable TV flounders, Fox grows stronger. Despite the shift towards streaming, Fox’s audience remains loyal.

They’re the dominant force in traditional entertainment for the foreseeable future, and we want a piece of that action.”

While no information has been disclosed regarding potential panelists for Roseanne’s show, she assured that she won’t restrict it to female participants.

“I’m not sexist like Whoopi,” she stated, “I enjoy a little variety in my breakfast.”

Ever the provocateur, Roseanne intends to bring her unique brand of entertainment back into viewers’ homes, this time spiced up with a dose of blunt irreverence that her core fans have come to cherish.

“We’re aiming for 5 million viewers per day,” Barron shared, “which might seem ambitious, but it’s merely double the viewership of The View, a show that’s widely known to have a limited audience.”

We hope this announcement is accurate, and that it will put a pause on Roseanne-related news for a while, but we’re aware that this might be wishful thinking. Regardless, God Bless America.

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